That time of year.

First off, it has been a VERY long day and I'm tired, so maybe I'm more emotional than usual.

Let me also start off by saying that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, so my little Savannah is on my mind more than usual as I see all the AwEsOmE pink and blue ribbons on Facebook. The annual Walk To Remember is coming up soon, and I'm so happy to have the support of a wonderful friend going with me this year, especially since I think it will be the first year Farren can't go. I had to warn her, that is the one day a year I really let myself be outwardly sad. (Is outwardly a word)

Tonight someone on my Facebook posted this link (I hope the owner of this blog doesn't mind)
http://www.formerlyphread.com/2010/10/ten-years-later.html While all of that feels familiar to me, parts of it did more so than others. The parts about not knowing what to say, or, more specifically, what NOT to say. And really, it is all a matter of opinion. What bothers Susie, may not bother me at all, in fact, it may be comforting. And then the things that people are told is "polite" to say can really irk me. It is all a matter of opinion. Really, you shouldn't HAVE to say anything, because this should never happen. You shouldn't HAVE to go in a funeral home and wait for them to pull out the tiniest coffins for you to choose from because they keep them hidden from the general public. They aren't displayed like the "adult" ones. No one wants to think about a sweet, precious baby dying, because it shouldn't happen.

Anyway, as I was reading it, I was greatly reminded of a post I had made, on Savannah's second birthday. I know that that post has stuck with people, because occasionally people will bring up that they no longer tell someone they are sorry for their loss.

here is a piece of that post that the for mentioned blog reminded me of.

I look back and see how we have moved forward, not moved on, but moved forward.I think of phrases people use that I hate. "I am so sorry to hear of your loss" I really hate that one. To lose something implies that you didn't care enough about it to keep track of it. If caring about her was all it took, she would be upstairs in her crib, sleeping in footsie jammies with her blankie and a nightlight. (well, probably not a nightlight, we don't use those) We would be planning another huge party for her, or our upcoming DisneyWorld trip would be her present. She would have a bedroom and countless scrapbooks instead of a cabinet in my living room. The back of my closet wouldn't be full of clothes with the tags still hanging from them and crib bedding that has never been out of the package. We would hear her giggle and tickle her feet and kiss her toes after we cleaned out the "piggie jam"So don't say we lost her. That phrase makes me cringe everytime I hear it, and I will NEVER tell someone whose child has died no matter the circumstance that I am sorry for their loss. Im sorry for their greif, Im sorry for the passing of their child, but not their loss. They know EXACTLY where their child is.


The only thing that has changed about that snippet is my closet is no longer stuffed with her clothes, tags still attached. I still have my 3 favorite outfits but all the other clothes are gone now. I finally gave them away. Nothing else has changed, I still cringe when I hear " Im sorry for your loss"

LIFE IS SO BUSY!!

I have been SO busy lately, that all yuo will get is a brief run down of what has been going on, no pictures included for now.

• School started. Kyson is in 4th Grade, Aspen in 3rd, and Sage in 1st. They are all loving school!!
• School started. I am home, alone, almost all day. Yet, Im still so busy I can barely think some days. Seems I had MORE downtime with kids here, plus daycare kids than I do now, with an empty house!
• We went Camping in July with Farrens Parents and two of my neices. We had lots of fun
• In August we went to Hurricane Utah for my cousin Krystens baby shower. My sister flew in from Texas and we drove down with my two girls, my Mom, my friend Tiffani, and her mother. LOTS of fun! We saw TARZAN at Tuachan and it was SO good. We already have plans for The Little Mermaid next season.
• Things on the "job front" are changing for Farren. I'm a tad nervous about where this is going to leave us, come March, but for now, I refuse to stress about it. What will happen will happen anyways, so no use in worrying too much!
• I have started sewing like crazy. Im making cute carseat canopies, and they have been selling very well. I have a boutique coming up November 6th, and well, Im going to be doing NOTHING but sewing til then.
• Aspen has made a quilt all by herself and will be entering it in the "Reflections" next week at school (I suppose she should finish it soon)
• I've been enjoying my neice and nephews. They are always good when I need a baby fix, since it doesnt appear that we will be adding to our family anytime soon.

LOTS more has been going on, but too much to catch everyone up on, so for now, this is what you get!!!

Miss Sarah Perkins

Dear Miss Sarah,

I got on this morning to see about your ultrasound and your blog is now private. I can't find your email address, so get in touch with me. Please and Thank You!!

(Yes, this can be a blog entry. I will post about our camping trip very soon though)

The Good Wife's Guide

What makes a good wife? An immaculate home? Always being "ready and willing"? A hot, 4 course meal on the table each and every night? Birthing 8 9 or 10 babies? Or is it more simple? Listening, sharing, friendship, and laughter among other things?

I specifically remember in Jr. High our home economics teacher, Mrs. Hales discussing the article I will put at the end of this. She spoke about how times have definitely changed and roles are more equal. Women have now *gasp* entered the work place. You don't see women vacuuming in high heels anymore, but, I'm hard pressed to think that was ever the way it was. You see it on Leave It To Beaver, but it just doesn't make sense. Did the fumes for the oven cleaner kill the brain cells? High heels and pearls while I scrub out my oven just seems so impractical. If I know it is a cleaning day, I usually stay in my jammies til it is done.

I think it takes so much to be a good spouse, and while none of the ideas on this list are bad ideas, (except for a good wife knows her place) they just don't seem to match today's woman and the needs of family. I think back then, Mothers weren't busy running Jane to gymnastics and Peter to soccer. Little Mary didn't ballet and Timmy Debate Club each night of the week.

Mom's today spend so much time playing chauffeur that often it is impossible to have those sit down dinners every night. When my children were small, lessons fell during the day, but now they are in school and any extra activities take place in the afternoons or evenings. Tonight Aspen had Activity Days and Kyson had Boy Scouts. They were home for 50 minutes together at the same time, so I had to make sure dinner would be ready as soon as Aspen came home so we could eat together before Kyson had to leave.

The last thing on my mind tonight was if my hair looked nice enough for my husband. I was too busy looking for the pan to cook the chicken in (it isn't where it goes for some reason) and checking on my cookie dough (which is STILL in the fridge) I needed to iron Kyson's scout shirt and make Aspen's hair presentable for her activity tonight. I never found the pan, so instead of Chicken Tetrazinni, we had pasta with Pesto sauce and garlic bread. Making these last minute changes ensured there was no way on Gods Green Earth that dinner would be on the table promptly at 5pm. We ate about 540, and it worked for us and that is life.

That is one of the reasons (besides cost) that I didn't feel too terrible that Kyson missed football sign-ups. I want our evenings back. My husband is back to working days, home at 415 each day. My children are all in fulltime school starting in two weeks. I will have no children home during the day to run around to playdates and swimming. There is no reason why a nice hot dinner shouldn't be on the stove each evening. I am looking forward to having our evenings back. No softball, no baseball, no dance, no football. Dinner and board games, dinner and books, just dinner and family time. (though Farren usually retreats to bed after dinner due to his work schedule.)

There are so many aspect's of the list that I want to embrace, and some that I want to yell at my computer about. For example..... the part where it says that his topics of conversation are more important than yours... Sometimes that may be so, but sometimes I just need to tell him something or get something off my chest. I listen to him, but he also listens to me. That is a mutual respect. I don't think he would like it very much if I didn't have any honest thoughts or opinions.

One aspect I love is just greeting him and making sure you are happy to see him. The day I dread seeing my husband walk through that door is not a day I can even imagine happening. Anyways, here is the list, judge for yourself. I know that there are aspects that SHOULD be followed, however, the day I stay quiet and don't mention if he just doesn't come home, well, that would blow the list out of the water. (not that he ever would) (It is not determined if this is a real piece from a text book or not)

Have dinner ready: Plan ahead, even the night before, to have a delicious meal on time. This is a way of letting him know that you have been thinking about him, and are concerned about his needs. Most men are hungry when they come home and the prospects of a good meal (especially his favorite dish) are part of the warm welcome needed.

Prepare yourself: Take 15 minutes to rest so you will be refreshed when he arrives. Touch up your make-up, put a ribbon in your hair and be fresh looking. He has just been with a lot of work- weary people.

Be a little gay and more interesting for him. His boring day may need a lift and it is one of your duties to provide it.

Clear away the clutter. Make one last trip through the main part of the house just before your husband arrives, gathering up school books, toys, paper, etc. Then run a dust cloth over the tables.

Prepare the children: Take a few minutes to wash the children's hands and faces if they are small, comb their hair, and if necessary, change their clothes.They are little treasures and he would like to see them playing the part. Minimize the noise: At the time of his arrival, eliminate all noise of washer, dryer, dishwasher or vacuum. Try to encourage the children to be quiet.

During the cooler months of the year you should prepare and light a fire for him to unwind by. Your husband will feel he has reached a haven of rest and order and it will give you a lift too. Afterall, catering for his comfort will provide you with immense personal satisfaction.

Be happy to see him.

Greet him with a warm smile and show sincerity in your desire to please him.

Listen to him: You may have a dozen things to tell him, but the moment of his arrival is not the time. Let him talk first-remember his topics of conversation are more important than yours.

Make the evening his: Never complain if he comes home late or goes to places of entertain,ect without you. Instead, try to understand that his world of strain and pressure and his very real need to be at home and relax.

The goal: Try to make your home a place of peace order and tranquility where your husband can renew himself in body and spirit.

Don't greet him with complaints or problems.

Don't complain if he is late for dinner or even if he stays out all night. Count this as minor compared to what he may have gone through in the day.

Make him comfortable. Have him lean back in a comfortable chair or have him lie down in the bedroom. Have a cool or warm drink ready for him.

Arrange his pillow and offer to take off his shoes. Speak in a low, soothing, and pleasant voice.

Don't ask him questions about his actions or question his judgement or integrity. Remember, he is the master of the house and as such will always exercise his will with fairness and truthfulness. You have no right to question him.

A good wife always knows her place.

What an Adventure Today Turned Out To Be

Today started out like any normal day. Slept in a little too late and had to run to Costco. As we were getting ready for Costco Farren was teasing me and I squirted him with a spray bottle I was using on hair. That meant war and soon it was 4 vs. 1 (all of them against me) I ran and locked myself in the bathroom and they got in anyways. Lots of water later, I ended up getting the shower turned on me and my bathroom was under water. I grabbed Kyson and tossed him in the tub and soaked him, teaching him NEVER team up against Mom!! LOTS of fun, but a huge mess!!!!!

On the way home from Costco I decided I wanted to go on a "scenic" drive through the Alpine Loop. For those unfamiliar with this, it is a long drive through a steep and winding canyon where you end up no where near where you started. BEAUTIFUL drive.

RING RING Kyson's friend Jace calling to play, so we checked him off of the list of attendees for the day. Husband needs to sleep; check him off too. It is just the girls and myself. Off we go. About 10 minutes from home (and nowhere near the Alpine Loop) I chicken out at the thought of doing that drive alone, though I don't know why since even if there were another adult, I'd still be the one driving.

Hmmm... where to go, where to go.... I decide to go up Emmigration Canyon and connect to I-80 and go into Park City for an Ice Cream Cone from Rocky Mountain Chocolate. I jump on the freeway and head toward Emmigration Canyon. The kids are just sure we are heading to the zoo, and they were not very excited about it. (We use to do the zoo weekly when they were smaller, and our zoo, well, it just sucks) We pass the zoo and the girls are now very curious as to where we are heading. I tell them Park City for Ice Cream and all is good in the world.

We have a game we play, where we point out houses and see who would like to live there. Sometimes they are giant houses nestled in the trees, other times they are tiny little cottages, and sometimes a tin box. Sometimes we would all like to live there, and sometimes none of us would. Sometimes we are split half and half on the decision and we decide even though it isn't wonderful or even well built, living in our house, all together is the best place to be.

I have never driven all the way up this particular canyon before, so I purposely miss our turn-off and continue up. Higher and higher we climb, I had no idea there were homes up so high back there. We get to the dead end and turn back around, this time making sure to take this turn off that I have HEARD leads toward Park City, but I really don't know this for certain. After a few minutes we see a "Scenic Turnoff" and pull into it. A beautiful view of a small reservoir. We get out and take a few pictures. Aspen mugs for the camera and we are off again, this time winding downhill.

We come to a T in the road and this water is right in front of us. Left or right?? Well, I know Park City is left, so let's head left. Very quickly I knew I should have gone right, but I figured why not? Lets keep going. So we did. We kept going, and going and going. Climbing up a winding road. I see a pull off, and we turn into it. The view is beautiful. I see a sign for a trail head, and we were at "Mormon Pioneer Trail" The girls wanted to hike, but I was in sandals, we had no water, it was hot out, and we have been having some big storms over the last few days so we made it a very short hike.

On our way back to the van there were some other people who had turned in. I asked them if they knew where the road lead if I were to keep following it. They said we were almost to the town of Morgan and then the freeway was right there. We thanked them and continued on in the same direction we had been going. (almost to Morgan my butt) We drove and drove and drove and started a decline. I passed my camera back to the girls and they had a blast taking pictures of all sorts of things. These are some of their shots.

We were all thirsty and I saw a sign saying "Old Country Store" so we kept an eye out for a store. It wasn't just a store, there is a whole resort up there that I had no idea existed. East Canyon Resort. It looks like SO much fun. I grabbed a pamphlet and unfortunately it appears to be a timeshare property, but I would LOVE to take the kids up and spend a week there. We grabbed our drinks from the store (yes, I gave in and let the girls have a drink in the car, but it had to be Sprite so it would clean up easily if there was a spill) Off we go again.

Up ahead was a huge reservoir, East Canyon Reservoir. The girls asked if we could go there next time, but it looked like their beach area was all rock and it is more for boating then sand castles and swimming. Shortly after passing the reservoir we came upon this house. Or, what use to be a house. I think it is beautiful, but we all voted NO, we would not like to live in it.

WELCOME TO HENEFER UTAH-POPULATION 702

Henefer? I had NO clue where we were, and I certainly hadn't seen Morgan which we had been assured was super close (that was LONG ago) We continue up this road, passing the Rodeo Stands and some houses. This road comes to a T as well. It is a GOOD thing the van has a navigation system in it. At this point I had no idea if I was facing North, East, South, or West. After checking it, I see we are facing North. I figured we were pretty far East so we turned left, careful not to run over all the ATVs driving around town. I don't think we passed an actual car, but we passed plenty of people on ATVs.

Quickly I saw a sign for the Interstate and we hopped on that. Soon we started seeing signs for Morgan (ya know, that town we were "super close to" ) We passed Morgan (or maybe it was before Morgan) and I saw another sign for a "scenic view pullout" This pull out was only about 100 feet long and narrow, so I was nervous pulling into it from the highway, but we did. Just as I tell the girls I have NO clue what we are looking for I see it. It is called Devil's something. We hop out of the car to take a quick look (there is a sidewalk) Just as I am thinking this would make a really cool waterfall, Aspen says that exact same thing. Another car is pulling in, so back into the van we go. We are OFF.

Just Moments later I hear from the back seat, "Mom, that sign says Rest Stop 1 mile. Can we stop?" It is Aspen (Sage was abnormally quiet today) I ask if she REALLY has to go because rest stops just gross me out. She says she does so I pull into it and we all go in together. That girl locked her stall door and couldn't get it undone. I would explain how to undo the lock (they are hard to move and tricky also) and she just couldn't get it. We do this a few times and she gets the lock free. After LOTS of soap and water we are on our way. Again.

Now it is starting to look familiar. I see the turn off we take when we go to Pineview and I know exactly where I am. The girls recognize it too, so our "adventure" is now just the same road they have taken too many times to count. They ask to pop in a movie, and they turn on Pooh's Heffalump Adventure (a Winnie the Pooh Halloween movie) They are content and I know it is definitely smooth sailing from here.

We arrive home at about 715 pm. We left our house about 245. We have a quick dinner and I go to pick up Kyson. We come home and the four of us go for a walk in the neighborhood. We stopped and chatted with neighbors, and a quick jaunt through the neighborhood took an hour. The kids got ready for bed and after a loud reading of Where The Wild Things Are (we always ROAR with the Wild Things) and a sweet reading of Love You Forever the kids were tucked into bed. It was a long day.

And I loved every minute of it.

Friday, July 30 2010

Yesterday we had so much fun!! The day started off slow, but ended great!! I had plans to take the kids to Cecret Lake or to Silver Lake. We headed out the door with plans to stop by my Mother's house for lunch with my brother, Victor, and his family, and also my sister Kristine and her two youngest kiddos. My Mom grilled steak and we had that along with salad and baked potatoes. (Kids enjoyed Turkey Dogs) Thanks Mom, it was DeLiSh!!

Zane, Sage, Kyson Aspen

But, my favorite part was snuggling the two newest additions to the family. Gretchen Sophia and Zander Jonathon. They are only a few weeks apart, and both just adorable. After lunch we all hung out and just spent time together. Sage and Aspen LOVED playing with their cousin Zane again since we don't see him as often as we use to now that I am not his daycare. It was lots of fun!!

Aspen with Zander

Zane loving on Zander.

Sage and Zander

Aspen and Gretchen (I promise she isn't dropping Gretchen)

Sage and Gretchen

Zander and Gretchen

After everyone else left, my kids were still playing, and I had a headache, so we opted to stay and play at Grandma's House rather than head to the lake for a hike. The kids went out on the tandem bike, and when they came in they STUNK. Poor Sage, you put her outside in the summer and she smells like a wet dog. So, my Mom and I ran to Walmart and bought them all clean clothes so I could toss them in the tub at Grandmas. We ended up getting them new jammies.

I bathed the kids and decided to put the girls hair in rags. Looking back, Aspens was a bit too short still, because the back rags just wouldn't stay in (and I have no after pictures because I forgot that also)

For months my Mom has talked about how much she loves the movie Julie and Julia. I hadn't seen it (shocker I know for all of you guys who know how much I enjoy a movie) so we popped it in. I liked it. Mom says that Meryl Streep should have gotten best actress for her portrayal of Julia Child instead of Sandra Bullock for The Blind Side, stating that Meryl did Julia perfectly, but, I am not familiar with Julia Child in any way other than knowing her name, so I can't compare. Maybe tonight I will find some old footage online and watch.

What started out as a quick stop by Mom's house was an all day affair. We didn't get home til 1130 last night!! Thanks Mom for having us for so long!

This morning we did our "Saturday Chores" and then I got in the mood to bake. We made a Lemon Chiffon Cake for dessert. (I made Santa Fe Chicken and Spanish Rice for dinner. I LOVE LOVE LOVE my Lion House Cookbook. It ROCKS) I found these old pictures from a few months ago that I realized I hadn't shared, so I figure I will add them here as I write about our adventures in baking. The girls love making rolls. It is one of their favorite activities!!

After dinner we went back to my Mom's house for a game night. First we played Clue with everyone, then had a slice of my Lemon Chiffon cake for dessert. After that, the adults played Ticket To Ride. LOTS of fun and if you don't have it, I suggest you get it. I have the North American version, but I have heard that people enjoy the European version better. LOTS of fun!!

So I'm a Wee Bit Behind...,..

And I won't even go into details. If I come across pictures I will post them, but just so you all know we ARE still alive, I will give you a quick run down of the last 4 months.

April-
April 10 was Savannah's 3rd Birthday. So odd to imagine that it was 3 years ago that we said both hello and goodbye to our little girl. I remember every detail and every smell, it seems like just yesterday.

Aspen broke her elbow and had to have surgery. (well, actually just a hair above the elbow) She was jumping on the neighbors trampoline and got bounced off. OUCH. As often as I am taking pictures, I dont hve one picture from the whole time she had her cast on. (she chose orange by the way)

We got season passes to Lagoon, so we went a few times this year, not as many as we usually do with Apsens arm, but we still got lots of whirling twirling and sliding in!

May-
Farren, Kyson and Aspen all had birthdays!! It was also the start of the track season, and this year, all three kids ran track. They all did incredibly well, and at the all county meet (in July) Aspen took first in the 800 meter. That girl is a distance runner. She should give her Mama some lessons!! Luckily she got her cast off in time, she did NOT want to miss track!

June- June was incredibly busy with PTA activities at the school. The year end always is, and because we are year round, we do it all twice.

June 25th my adorable neice Gretchen was born. She is so sweet!

Farren and I celebrated our 10th wedding anniversary. CRAZY to think it has been THAt long!! Love ya babe!!

July- The kids got out of school July 2 and we have been running ever since!!

July 3, Saturday afternoon Aspen fell asleep and basically didnt wake up til Tuesday morning. She wuold wake up and take a few steps, but that would exhaust her so much that she would lay down, right where she was and sleep for hours, even on the kitchen floor. She walked into the wall, but didn't seem to realize she had. We took her to the hospital and she was admitted. They ran every test they could think of, but could find no anwsers. Her only other symptom was a fever. She was still sleepy after Tuesday, napping 3 or so times a day, but soon got back to that silly little girl we know and love.

Kyson attended a Football Camp at BYU where all the coaches were past BYU players who had gone onto play in the NFL. He had a marvelous time and is already counting down the days til next year. Kyson is all about football, so this was perfect for him!

We have made quite a few trips up to Pineview REsivior this month, and that is ALWAYS a blast. We love playing in the sand and swimming in the lake. We have plans to go up next week and rent waverunners. We always pack a huge picnic (that hardly gets touched since we are playing so much) It is one of our favorite places.

Farren decided that our minivan that we had for the last 6 years was "on its last leg" So, the search began. We drove all sorts of vehicles, but we kept coming back to the same one. I know have a beautiful 2011 Toyota Sienna in my driveway. I love her, and especially love having seating for 8, where all 8 seats are real seats (lap only belts don't count as seats at our house because I don't let the kids sit there, so a lap only belt is really just wasted space) I wasn't wanting another minivan, but, considering we have plans to go to California numerous times in the next year, I needed something with better gas mileage than a fullsize SUV, and we couldn't find any midsize SUVs where we felt the back seat had adequate leg room for our growing family. (growing as in growing up, not as in growing by how many people)

The dealership we bought it at carries the name of an ex-Jazz player, karl Malone. He was coming into town to do a promo, and Kyson wanted to go so badly. I did NOT want to take him (bad Mom I know) Luckily, the kids slept at my Mom's house the night before he was to be here, and our friend Bill took the kids to meet Karl. Kyson proudly displays his signed bsketball. Thanks Bill!

July also brought about another new baby!! My little baby brother had a baby of his own! Zander Jonathon was born July 17th and is just so snuggly. His birth brings the total for Farren and I to 15 neices and 10 nephews.

Yesterday we took the kids to Snowbird to do all their summer activities. It was so much fun!!!! They had a wonderful time doing all the activities available!

We have also gone swimming many times, enjoyed the local parks and the Splashpad. We have really enjoyed our Summer so far, and all the good friends we get to spend it with!!

I have a hike planned for Cecret Lake tomorrow, but, considering it is already 1123 and Im usually in bed by 9, I'm not sure that will happen. Maybe we will have a game day or drive up to the park we love in Heber.

I will try and do better about updating this, more so for myself than for anyone else; I like looking back and seeing the fun things we have done over time.