LIFE

This week/month/first half of the year has been incredibly busy. SO much to do and very little time in which to accomplish my goals. Now more than ever, everything is a work in progress. As I mentioned before, I am trying to see my never ending "to-do" list as a way to realize how very fortunate I am, vs. getting discouraged that the room I just vacuumed now has cracker crumbs all over the floor. I am fortunate that most of the time, the children's friends play here. It isn't uncommon to have 9, 10, 11 kids here at a time. How fortunate that their friends are comfortable here, and that I know exactly where my children are and what they are being exposed to. (It goes without saying that the homes they are allowed to go to, I have complete trust in those families and what they may or may not be exposing to my children)

This past week I have been able to get lots accomplished in anticipation of an upcoming move (hopefully things work out) I have been purging like mad, even though the move is 6-9 months away. I figure if I purge now, and then purge again, I will get rid of WAY more than if I had just done it once. My kitchen was a toughy. My mom had come over last year and we purged my kitchen like you wouldnt believe. FILLED the trunk of my van full to the brim, but my cupboards were still bursting at the seams. I have SO much stuff that doesnt get used, especially Tupperware. Anyway, I repurged through my kitchen and got rid of so much stuff. I had 7 9x13 pyrex dishes, I cut that down to two. (They are sitting in my basement with all our other yardsale stuff and I keep debating if I should bring them back up and start doing freezer meals again. That was so easy to make two meals at once and freeze one..... any advice on that one?)

After I hit the kitchen I hit the hall closets. SO much stuff that NEVER gets used. A Lite-Brite cube I got Sage for Christmas back in 2009. I put in the lightbulb and it hasnt been touched once. Lots of extra sweaters and sweatshirts. Three huge bags, just from those two closets. When Aspen got home and saw what I had been doing, she was VERY excited.

She is a born organizer. She reminds me of Emilie Barnes. She knows just how to get everything in a place and she likes it that way. At four years old she would, on her own accord, transfer the wash to the dryer, being careful to set aside items she had seen me hang dry before. When she puts away her laundry, all her clothing would come out so it would be color coordinated in her drawers. (sage is my messiest child and them sharing a room causes Aspen a great deal of stress when it comes to the messes Sage leaves behind) As I was saying, mess and disarray drive her insane. She unloads the dishwasher every morning first thing when she gets up without ever being asked. She is always trying to keep things in order.

So, it is no surprise when she came home that day she was VERY excited. She asked for free reign over their room, which she was granted. The only rule was as she filled each bag, she had to get approval from me for the items. She filled five garbage bags with toys, books and clothes. All I pulled out was one book and one little purse (which was mine when I was 2) She was IN her element. (a few months ago she told me she didnt understand why people get their kids toys for christmas because the kids play with them for a day then they sit under the bed. She thinks instead of items, families should take a nice vacation they will always remember.) That girl is wise beyond her years.

Last night I cleaned out the game armoire. We have a beautiful armoire we bought for our bedroom. It doesnt fit, so our nicest piece of furniture is used to store board games in the living room. We often have family game night, and I play games almost daily when they kids are home and Farren is at work. The huge armoire was so full you couldnt shut it. Games had to go. I started sorting games and puzzles and Aspen and I were able to cut it down by about half. We got rid of about 15 preschool games and all our Melissa and Doug puzzles. That was harder than I thought it would be. I have so many memories of not only my babies, but nephews and friends children struggling with the ABC train puzzle the first few times. It would take forty minutes to piece it together, we would have to sing the ABC song at least 25 times to remember what came next. When they finally attached Z, they were always so very proud of themselves. But, it had to go anyway. The only preschool age game we kept was Crocodile Dentist, as it not only entertains the smallest of children (last week my cute nephew Zane (almost 3) and my adorable niece Gretchen (12 months) played it forever. It also entertains all of my children, and my husband too!

The kids also (finally) finished school yesterday. We had rootbeer floats to celebrate, and I discovered all my kids are weird and don't care for rootbeer floats. Only their friends wanted floats. Crazy kids :) I LOVE year round school September through May, but when May hits, I wish we had the traditional schedual. I would LOVE my kids home all summer AND often through the school year as well. The best of both worlds! (One can dream cant she)

I have LOTS of things I want to do with the kids this summer, I am excited that we can FINALLY get started!!

A Joyful Heart

Lately I have been thinking a lot about the attitude I have when I am doing yet another chore. Cooking yet another meal, washing another load of laundry, answering another phone call. Eventually these things become mundane, and I catch myself dreading the things I have to get done while my kids are at school. I would much rather have the kids home with me. Hearing the playful teasing as I beat Kyson at Yahtzee (again) Seeing my beautiful girls play house with their baby dolls, and everyone piled on each other as I read them the same stories I have since they were babies. (Where The Wild Things are (we've gone through multiple copies) You are My I Love You (my favorite) and Love You Forever get read more than every other book combined.) These are the things I love. Hearing the laughter, seeing the smiles, and soothing the tears.

The other side of Mothering is not my favorite. Washing clothes and scrubbing floors (Though my steam mop makes that a breeze) are things I often think I would be totally fine if I never had to do them again. But, when I think about it, I realize how easy I have it. All I have to do is push a button and my clothes are washed. So much easier than the mothers before me. More importantly, I am so very lucky to have the opportunity to do these things because I am so very fortunate to be a mother. From now on, I am trying to do these tasks with a smile on my face and a joyful heart.

This also collides with other areas of my life. I was having "volunteer burnout" After serving as PTA President for two years, (technically just one, but I filled in for one who disappeared) I stopped volunteering as often. I no longer had a happy spirit when I was there. Instead I felt like I was there more than I was home. I wasn't happy with it and my husband wasn't either. My kids would groan when they found out I had a school obligation. I knew I needed to serve with joy in my heart and I just couldn't get there. I realized, however, that there are other areas that I can serve others and by doing something new I wasn't feeling the burnout that I had been. It didn't matter WHERE I was serving, what matters is that I serve and serve joyfully. So I do. I took the kids and we worked at the Utah Food Bank. It was a great teaching tool for the kids, and I very much enjoy being there. We will be returning very soon. Teaching my children to serve others selflessly and with a joyful heart is important to me. There is so much more to life than what happens in our home. The world is such a large place, and we need to do what we can to help out, not because it is a requirement; but because we want to and it brings us joy.

When I find my children *gasp* fighting I usually start by saying something like "Remember to be loving and kind and happy to share" When I ask them to do something and they complain, I try to remind them they need to help out with a smile on their face and joy in their heart. Lately, however, I find myself reminding them ALL. THE. TIME. And it doesn't always work, especially with my son. I find myself getting more irritated than I should. This morning I was on the phone with my Mom and Sage was trying to talk to me. I'm embarrassed to say that while I didn't yell at her or anything, I didn't use the nicest tone of voice as I told her to wait, even though she knows better. I need to remember that when you are seven, (or 28) sometimes you forget the right thing to do, and manners are forgotten.

So this week I am going to work on doing the things I don't want to do with a joyful heart. Wether I am scrubbing a toilet or disciplining my children, I need to remember how lucky I am to have the ability to do both and it should be done with a good attitude and a joyful heart.

Disney World 2011

In late January I was fortunate enough to be able to take the kids to Walt Disney World in Florida again. This is my favorite place on Earth, I could go every month if our budget allowed. (It doesn't) Anyhow, I found a marvelous deal which included free dining!! We were able to experience so many things we otherwise wouldnt be able to. One such thing was eating at Coral Reef restraunt in Epcot. The kids were super excited because they filmed an episode of Full House in this particular location. I was excited because I LOVE sea food!!

As we were being seated, the kids mentioned to the host that they had seen it on Full House. Well, they were in luck. We were sat at the exact same table, right next to the glass. It was awesome. We saw scuba divers, sea turtles, sharks, and so much more. Of course, I had left the camera in the hotel room that evening, so Im lacking pictures.

The kids LOVE Pin Trading!!

Another awesome dining experience was Chef Mickey's. SUPER fun character interaction. We LOVED Chef Mickey's!!!!! Chef Mickey's

We also were able to go to the Luau at the Polynesian. It reminded me of the cultral center in Hawaii and was great. The food was delish and the show was so fun!!

The BEST dining experience we wouldn't have otherwise done was dining in Cinderella's Castle. It was amzing and now I know why reservations are booked 6 months out. The food was awesome, and the atmosphere was not lacking. VERY cool experience, even Kyson loved it. (Though he is excited they are opening a Beasts Castle that wont be so girly, and is looking forward to eating there)

Sage was VERY determined to meet Rapunzel and Flynn Rider. They only allow X amount of people to meet them each showing, and the current showing was full so we got in line and waited for the next showing to begin. I warned Sage it was going to be over 90 minutes, but she didn't care. She just wanted to meet Rapunzel (she is currently working on growing her hair as long as Rapunzel's) When she finally met Rapunzel and Flynn Rider she was so excited, and it was well worth the VERY long wait. (At least in her opinion)

I had spent months making the kids custom clothes for the trip (which was a surprise BTW) I think the outfits turned out adorable, and I had quite a few people stop and ask where they could purchase the same outfits, so that was cool!! (I hired someone to make the hats)

Disney's awesome cleaning crew would make pictures with their hoses. SO cool!!
Fighting the troll in Norway

Kyson on Big Thunder Mountain Rail Road We found a paint brush on Tom Sawyer's Island.

That quickly became the first thing to do in Magic Kingdom

We had 11 nights of all things Disney. This time we stayed at Caribbean Beach Resort. The atmosphere was super cool, Sandy beaches, hidden hammocks, it was great, but I wasn't a fan of the room. It had seen better days for sure. The grounds are better here, but the room was better our last stay. The kids LOVED the pirate ship pool. I loved the hammocks (minus the couple making out a LITTLE too aggressivley next to me) WONDERFUL time!! I cant wait to get back, hopefully in Fall of 2012 when the Fantasy Land expansion is complete. Aspen wants to stay at the Grand Floridian, but unless I play and win the lotto, that won't be happening!!!!

Happy Birthday Sage!!

We have been so busy I haven't even had time to update about Sage's birthday. She turned SEVEN years old in January. Amazing huh? One thing she wanted to do was her own photo shoot, no one else. Here are a few of the amazing pictures......

We have come so far with Sage. From a few health scares to this amazing young lady we have today. She has always done things on her own pace, and her pace is fast. From deciding to be born when no doctors were present to zooming her bike up the sidewalk, when she wants to do something, so does. No stopping this Princess! She is so kind and generous to everyone. She adores babies and is happiest holding her baby cousins or the neighbors baby. We love Sage and we are so blessed to have her in our family. How lucky we are.

It was so sad. She was so sick on her birthday. She wanted to go out to dinner so bad though. She hadn't gotten "sick" for about 8 hours so I said okay. Not a smart move on my part, she got very sick all over the restraunt. Oops.

We didnt have a big party for her. We told her no party because she had a huge party last year, but really the reason was we were going to Walt Disney World on a surprise vacation, and I had a "dream surprise" waiting for her there!!

FAMILY PICTURES!!!!

I always do my own pictures. They turn out pretty good, but I wanted a change of scenery. Kyson is also at the age where its humorous for him to not cooperate with mom. So, I bought new clothes and stuck them in the closet. They weren't about to wear them til pictures were done. I knew I wanted to use FotoFly, I had seen their work and it was AwEsOmE!!

Bad news is they are booked through mid January. I was on facebook yesterday and saw they had a cancellation. I called and YEA!! I got an appointment!! The staff was SO nice and looking at their wall of work, well, lets just say I already booked another session for next month for Sages 7 year pictures. (YES she is going to be 7)

Go to http://www.simplephoto.com/SC/index.cfm?fuseaction=Vendor&vid=22203&fn=FotoFly

and enter in code

20101659Jensen to view pictures. You can click up top to do it as a slide show. I am SO excited about these pictures!!

Life is Crazy!

There is no other way to say it! We are always busy, and I rarely have my camera with me, so no pictures today. We had the Walk to Remember and I will post about that later. Its awesome having such awesome friends to come support you through this.

Friday night my kids went to go see Thriller. They had a blast and love going each year!

Saturday was a Trunk or Treat for our playgroup. Lots of fun in the pouring rain!! the kids got many treats, and I was VERY proud of them. A few children arrived late, after most people had left, so my children sat down and opened their bags and let these other kids trick or treat from their stash. Awesome!! I didn't take ANY pictures, so I will make sure I will get pictures soon!

Sunday. Well, even though it was only 2 days ago, I can't remember what we did. Couldn't have been too exciting!!

Monday was my birthday and my little brother, Victor, watched the kids while Farren and I went to Cheesecake Factory for lunch. It is one of my favorite spots, but my darling husband just isn't a fan. I promise not to drag him there again!!!! Then we raced home and got the girls ready for dance class. They ADORE their dance teacher and were very excited to dress up in costume for dance!! After they got finished at dance we raced to the airport to pick up my In-Laws from their 15 day tour of China and it's surrounding areas. We brought them home and the kids are loaded with souviners. Lots of fun! It was LATE by now and we still had more to do, so we race back home to have birthday cake then fell into bed. Woosh! What a busy day yesterday was!!

Now if I can just get up the motivation to get some sewing done on my Carseat Canopies for the upcoming boutique Id be all set, but, I have other things I want to sew, so it is making it hard to find the motivation to get these one sewn!!

I Wish I Had Told Her

Today was the Walk To Remember. I was interviewed by a newspaper reporter. I told her so much, so many things, but as I lay in bed tonight all I can think about is what I wish I had told her. This will likely be full of typos. You see, today I cried my way through my contacts and I dont have glasses, so I came downstairs and adjusted my text on the computer to the larget possible, though it doesn't really help because I can't wait for morning. What if I forget some of the things I wish I'd told her? Part of me wonders if I should have told my story at all, because now today its so raw again, and the memories keep coming back to me so vivid. I can smell her head and hear my own screams again, and it has been 3 1/2 years. So maybe I shouldn't have told her anything, but Im mostly glad I did. I need to put a face to what people don't talk about. But here is what I wish I had told her:

• I wish I had told her that when I was leaving the ultrasound room, after hearing she had died, I could see the looks on people's faces. I knew they had heard my screams, but none of them would look me in the eye. They were staring at me,but avoided SEEING me.
• I wish I had told her I don't have the slightest idea how my husband told our children their sister had died, and I dont even want to know.
• I wish I had told her that when Savannah was finally born I covered my eyes because I was too scared to look at her, but at the same time I was screaming at the nurses to make her cry, PLEASE just make her cry. I can still hear that today, it sounded like it was someone else talking. In fact, it would take MONTHS before it finally hit me that this had happened to ME, and I wasn't watching some sad movie on television. This is my life. And then it got so much worse once I realized this was real.
• I wish I had told her that when I DID hold my Savannah how beautiful she is. And she has her daddy's crooked ear. She was wearing this tiny pink hat and pink gown and was wrapped in a pink fleece blanket. I slept with that blanket for a long time, and one day her smell was gone, and I was so mad. Now it smells like the wooden box it is stored in. But if I think about it, I remember that smell.
• I wish I had told her for a very long time, I would feel so much guilt if I caught myself having fun with my other children. I'd force myself to not have fun anymore, and just fake it for their sake. Fun was off limits.
• I wish I had told her that I didn't realize how sad I looked to other people. I was at Target a few weeks after Savannah's funeral and I was walking out and I heard my name. An old neighbor I had babysat for for years stopped me. First thing out of her mouth is why do you look so sad? I thought Id been doing a pretty good job of hiding it. I guess I was wrong.
• I wish I had told her about the old guy who was at the cemetary one night digging at a grave with a shovel then swatting it with a towel. I told Farren there is no way we are leaving til he was gone. He saw us watching him and came over to talk. He had had two sons who died as children and he was just trimming the grass around tehir headstones and cleaning the dirt off. We were speaking with him and I turned around and Sage was laying on her belly, sprawled out on the grass over Savannah's spot. (her headstone wasm't there yet) I said WHAT are you doing? And she, just 3 at the time says, "Im just giving Savannah a big hug Mama."
• I wish I had told her about the time we decorated Savannah's headstone for Christmas. We had a little tree that was in a ceramic stocking and some other Christmas decorations. We pull up to the cemetray and panic sets in on both our parts. There was snow. LOTS of it. How were we going to find her spot in this. We dug and dug and finally found her spot. We set up the decor and Sage, who was almost 4, INSISTED that she put her ghost that said BOO in Orange and black letters right there with the Christmas decor. It was adorable. We had forgotten the camera.
• I wish I had told her that I now know exactly where the headstone is. No more searching in the snow.
• I wish I had told her that we would go out there every single Sunday and bring flowers. Sometimes we'd go out every day. I wouldn't have told her that we hardly ever go out there anymore unless it is her birthday.
• I wish I had told her everytime we DO go out there, and get in the car to leave, everyone always says "buh bye baby Savannah, we LOVE you" and blow kisses. Then, as we leave the cemetary and drive past baby land on the main road, we say it again. Buh-bye baby Savannah, we LOVE you.