Tuesday, October 5, 2010

That time of year.

First off, it has been a VERY long day and I'm tired, so maybe I'm more emotional than usual.

Let me also start off by saying that October is Pregnancy and Infant Loss Awareness Month, so my little Savannah is on my mind more than usual as I see all the AwEsOmE pink and blue ribbons on Facebook. The annual Walk To Remember is coming up soon, and I'm so happy to have the support of a wonderful friend going with me this year, especially since I think it will be the first year Farren can't go. I had to warn her, that is the one day a year I really let myself be outwardly sad. (Is outwardly a word)

Tonight someone on my Facebook posted this link (I hope the owner of this blog doesn't mind)
http://www.formerlyphread.com/2010/10/ten-years-later.html While all of that feels familiar to me, parts of it did more so than others. The parts about not knowing what to say, or, more specifically, what NOT to say. And really, it is all a matter of opinion. What bothers Susie, may not bother me at all, in fact, it may be comforting. And then the things that people are told is "polite" to say can really irk me. It is all a matter of opinion. Really, you shouldn't HAVE to say anything, because this should never happen. You shouldn't HAVE to go in a funeral home and wait for them to pull out the tiniest coffins for you to choose from because they keep them hidden from the general public. They aren't displayed like the "adult" ones. No one wants to think about a sweet, precious baby dying, because it shouldn't happen.

Anyway, as I was reading it, I was greatly reminded of a post I had made, on Savannah's second birthday. I know that that post has stuck with people, because occasionally people will bring up that they no longer tell someone they are sorry for their loss.

here is a piece of that post that the for mentioned blog reminded me of.

I look back and see how we have moved forward, not moved on, but moved forward.I think of phrases people use that I hate. "I am so sorry to hear of your loss" I really hate that one. To lose something implies that you didn't care enough about it to keep track of it. If caring about her was all it took, she would be upstairs in her crib, sleeping in footsie jammies with her blankie and a nightlight. (well, probably not a nightlight, we don't use those) We would be planning another huge party for her, or our upcoming DisneyWorld trip would be her present. She would have a bedroom and countless scrapbooks instead of a cabinet in my living room. The back of my closet wouldn't be full of clothes with the tags still hanging from them and crib bedding that has never been out of the package. We would hear her giggle and tickle her feet and kiss her toes after we cleaned out the "piggie jam"So don't say we lost her. That phrase makes me cringe everytime I hear it, and I will NEVER tell someone whose child has died no matter the circumstance that I am sorry for their loss. Im sorry for their greif, Im sorry for the passing of their child, but not their loss. They know EXACTLY where their child is.

The only thing that has changed about that snippet is my closet is no longer stuffed with her clothes, tags still attached. I still have my 3 favorite outfits but all the other clothes are gone now. I finally gave them away. Nothing else has changed, I still cringe when I hear " Im sorry for your loss"


The Leavitt Crew said...

Love you, girl! Thanks for your support last night!

Kirkham Family News said...

Thanks for your post. And thanks for sharing your closet. Miss you.

April Mitchell said...

((Hugs))wish I had been there to meet Savannah!!
and TAG your it!

Emmy said...

Thank you for telling this, I know I probably have said that and never ever thought of it as being offensive.

Jenny said...

Love you Emily. Thinking of you and all the other mamas out there.